Alien Abductions Incorporated  >>  Corporate Blog

Today we are pleased to bring you the first installment of our new blog feature: the Customer Forum! AAI customers tell you about their experiences, everything from designing their own custom Abduction Experience™ scenarios to tips on setting up and running a successful local Abduction Experience™ group.

C.S. writes:

Since I can’t really remember any of what happened, I have to go by the fact that when I woke up my toenails had been cut painfully short. In fact, I can’t remember any of this stuff even under hypnosis. I don’t think I have any implants. I’m going to build one of Michael Menkin’s Thought Screen Helmets and once I’m free of them, I’ll come see you guys and get a good one implanted.

Some additional commentary is in order:

As C.S. notes, be careful when incorporating repetition into your custom scenario. While in a literary context repetition can be a powerful tool for developing mood and themes in a narrative, its in-memory effects can be very different, and less engaging than one might hope. Rather than strict repetition, consider a “theme and variations” approach: by adding new elements to each abduction after the first, you create an experience that evolves over time. (And remember that our “time release implantation” add-on is particularly effective for these sorts of scenarios.)

Also, take C.S.’ guidance seriously: while our doctors, hypnotists, and memory implant technicians can meet your ongoing memory suppression needs (i.e. eliminating your memories of specified post-implantation events and actions as they occur), this elimination process may impair your ability to drive a car, operate heavy machinery, and/or perform basic personal hygiene functions. If your custom scenario depends upon this technique, ensure that you make appropriate arrangements based on your Implantation Team’s scenario guidelines document.

Finally, while we fully support the DIY empowerment associated with Thought Screen Helmets and similar third-party products, remember that what matters is that you really believe that your thoughts are protected—and no one is more qualified to help you tailor and refine your personal beliefs than Alien Abductions, Incorporated.

Would you like to submit material for an upcoming Customer Forum?
Contact us: feedback@alienabductions.com

Greetings!

We here at Alien Abductions, Incorporated thank you for your enthusiasm regarding our revived online presence! While certain technical and regulatory issues that do not bear discussion have put our full site launch a little behind schedule, we want to reassure you that our launch checklist is showing more and more green—the full, updated AAI site will be available very soon.

That said, we are able to roll out certain features in advance of the launch. A number of customers have informed us of their surveillance and privacy concerns associated with submitting questions to us via email. We fully understand these concerns, and so are proud to announce that, starting today, customers can call our new secure and anonymous Q&A telephone hotline at (206) 333-0013 with questions that they do not wish to transmit via SMTP. (Individuals with fewer security and monitoring concerns can still submit their questions via email, to questions@alienabductions.com.)

Questions will be answered as quickly as possible, in the order received, via our corporate blog, where a new Q&A entry will appear every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Check the blog regularly or subscribe to our RSS feed to be sure you’re getting all the latest information!

Our blog will also contain updates on our progress towards full site launch, but if you would prefer to be notified by email when Alien Abductions, Incorporated is back online, you may sign up for an AAI site launch notification here.

Thank you for your continued interest and support!

As we prepare to re-enable online access to the Abductalizer, we have been running a very large number of “edge case” tests on the Abductalizer itself and its related systems. Because so many people are interested in monitoring their Personal Abduction Analysis Factor, the Web-based interface has at times generated thousands of sessions per day, and it is important to us that we provide safe, reliable Abductalizer access to all of our clients.

This morning’s incident was very minor and posed no human or environmental danger. The fission product release was extremely small — insufficient to even activate the alarms of either the continuous air monitor or the gaseous stack monitor — and our technical staff was actively monitoring the Abductalizer at all times.

After reviewing the EALs in our emergency plan, our technical staff confirmed that the incident did not merit declaring a Notification of Unusual Event. We will, of course, assist the NRC and local authorities with their evaluations and prepare a full report assessing radiological dose consequences, but we fully expect these inspections to confirm our own findings.

We hope that this clarifies the situation for all interested parties. The Abductalizer will be restored to fully operation status shortly, and we look forward to providing you with online access soon!

Our thanks to those of you who have expressed your interest in Alien Abductions, Incorporated by subscribing to our RSS feed, signing up for our release notification list, and sending us email!

With regards to the Web site relaunch, work continues to go well and we expect to release the updated site at the end of September. We’ll continue to roll out exciting new features and functionality after that, as well, so keep watching here for Web site update notifications though the fall of 2007.

We here at AAI also appreciate the feedback that you’ve been providing regarding our tentative new offerings, but there are a few points that we should clarify. First, while our desire to combat the many misconceptions about the science of para-abductology has led us to seriously consider offering Abduction Experience guides for “do it yourselfers,” it is important to remember that AAI’s scientists, hypnotists, and memory implant technicians are very highly trained professionals: our staff is capable of implanting very sophisticated Abduction Experience scenarios that an amateur can not realistically expect to reproduce.

In short, we understand the interest in seeing our more popular scenarios made available in this DIY format, but it is unlikely that that “A Night on the Brooklyn Bridge,” “The Lambeth Road Conspiracy,” or “Tiajuana Puzzle” could be made available in this manner.

We’ve also seen a number of requests from individuals who have heard about our extensive audio-visual archive. While it is possible that we will make certain materials available online, we feel that it would be inappropriate to provide access to the more “explicit” films and recordings outside of a strictly controlled research environment. Again, we fully understand the interest in this material, but do not anticipate making it available outside of supervised sessions at our facilities.

Keep the requests and comments coming!

Greetings!

We here at AAI are looking for your help. As we revise and update our Web presence, we would like to know what products and services you would be interested in receiving via our Web site.

It goes without saying that online access to the Abductalizer will return, as will selected promotional products like our popular t-shirts, but we’d like to know what other offerings you would like to access from the comfort and privacy of your own homes.

Based on current client input, we are considering publications, audio guides, and an expanded line of promotional products:

• Home Abduction Experience guides for the DIY set
• Limited edition printings of the Classic Texts of Para-Abductology
• CDs of our pre-implantation orientation materials, for convenient at-home study
• Software downloads, including desktop Abductalizer access

If these products are of interest to you, or if you have another special request, please send us an email at requests@alienabductions.com to let us know so that we can offer the products and services that you are most interested in!

Yes, as many of our customers have noted, our efforts have been focused on areas other than our online presence for several years now. With all of the work that needed to be done improving our facilities, developing new abduction scenarios, and expanding the field of para-abductology, we were unable to give the Web site the attention that it really deserved.

Following an incident that was in no way related to a government seizure of certain corporate assets, the main Web site is currently offline. We see this as an opportunity, rather than a setback, however, and we expect to roll out a full, updated site over the course of the next few months — and that includes such favorites as online access to the Abductalizer, answers to your questions about para-abductology and its related disciplines, and (of course) information about our full line of exciting products and services.

We here at Alien Abductions Incorporated appreciate your continued interest, and look forward to our return to the Internet.